Moving...

I'm moving my blog to wordpress.

tiffanimichelle.wordpress.com

2 weeks, really?

It's been 2 weeks since my last post and there's a lot going on.

The new job is wonderful. For once, I feel like i'm doing something that I will continue to enjoy, not dread. They're wonderful with training me. Which is one thing the other job lacked. I learned it all pretty much by myself and screwed up a lot. So, that's why people didn't appreciate me. They couldn't stop looking at all of the bad things I did(because of lack of training) and see where I was able to get myself to.

Chad got us a new puppy. His name is Lenny. Pictures will come soon. He's a border collie and blue heeler mix. He's so fun to play with. He's my first puppy. Abigail is my first dog, but Lenny has been mine since he came home. So, that's the difference. I love my little Abigail. She's doing well too. Getting used to the new little brother and cuddling up to him at night.

That's all I have for right now. I hope everyone is doing well. I don't have blogger.com at work, so I can't write :( But, i'll try to get on more often.

Beginning To Breathe Again♥

So, with the good, comes the bad.

First, the good. I'm finally figuring out my communication problems, or lack thereof. I'm finally gaining my happy self back and it feels great. I've been making Chad so unhappy lately. All because, my attitude sucked and I was always on edge. Now, i'm changing it. When I first met him, I was SO happy and funny. Over the past few months, I lost that part in myself. I feel her inside and i'm pulling so hard for her to shine again, and she is starting to.

I found out that my uncle has liver cancer and his prognosis doesn't look too great. We know a little more information by the day, but it doesn't make it easier. He's such a great man, he's lived a great life. He's a catholic priest. He baptized me and performed my first communion. I always thought he'd be the one to perform my marriage ceremony, but now that's not looking feasible. He's older, and i'm focusing on all of the great things he's done and the lives he's changed. He's such a strong and courageous man.

I have 1 day and 21 minutes left at my job. Then, i'm on to starting my new one on Thursday. I'm excited, scared, nervous, and all around happy about starting a new one. People keep telling me how missed i'm going to be and I can't help but tear up when they do. This place has been my life since I was 19...that's 4 years. Now, I have a new place to call my work life. I really don't know how i've survived all of the things that have happened to me.

What I do know is that, 2008 is going to be great. It started out a little rough, but now, it's so promising and optimistic.

March 4, 2008

Wow...it's been a while, eh.

I can't explain how I feel right now.

I've made so many things so much harder than they should be. I've lost love for myself. It depresses me. I don't feel beautiful, sexy, smart, or funny anymore.

It hurts.

The fact that i've done this to myself, hurts even more.

I took something amazing, and I broke it. It is repairable, I know it.

I quit my job last Wednesday, my last day is Wednesday the 12th. I couldn't be happier about it. My new job is going to change a lot. I'll be happier and more satisfied with my job. That's been the biggest thing is that I'm not happy with my job. I bring my work issues home with me, and I shouldn't. I take my frustrations out on others. My new job is so excited about me starting, it's great. For once, going somewhere new is a great feeling.

I slept alone last night for the first time in about 4 months. It really sucked. I had nothing. When I woke up every half hour or so, my "BabyLove"(my parent's cat that I raised from a little kitty) was curled up in my arms. I'd start crying and do what I could to get more rest.

Today, I feel as though i've been on a 6 month drinking binge. My lips burn, my head is pounding, and my mouth feels sticky. My head is positive, my heart♥ is hurting. I made a mistake, one I can't take back, but I felt I did what I had to. I definitely learned a thing or two this week. They're hard lessons, but i'm learning them.

Scentsy Consultant

I am now a scentsy consultant. Scentsy warmers are seriously the BEST form of candles. They're decorative, fresh, fun and you can change the fragrance whenever you'd like. If you want to check it out, my website is www.scentsy.com/5885. You can look at the catalog online and all of my contact information is on my consultant page. They can ship right to your house or I can deliver them locally. So, check them out and if you're interested in becoming a consultant or just want to order the products call me or email me. Like I said, all of my info is on my consultant page.

Thank you all for the support you offer in my new business venture.

Best wishes,
Tiffani.

Close You Eyes and View Yourself....♥

When I looked at him, I just knew. I'd done something terrible. Unintentionally terrible, I might add.

I've been so worried about losing the love of my life that it was actually pushing him further away. Everything he said, just kind of clicked. I'm being too needy! I'm being too worried! I am not the girl he fell in love with!

This morning, I woke up, and took a breath. It's going to be okay. I'm going to laugh, live, and love today. I'm going to laugh, live and love myself, rather. I'll still love him, but i'm letting him be him while I "regroup" myself. It's going to be a hard road, but i'm up for the challenge.

On the job front, I got a REJECTION email this morning. I could have cried, but I didn't. I went on another interview today. So, I checked in with the guy. His reply was fast and POSITIVE. "We are very impressed by you. I have one more interview and i'll be scheduling the day for you to come back in and do the second interview"! Phew! That lifted me. No reason to get down when one doesn't work out. Move on to the next, right? Well, I am.

An hour later, I spoke to a friend at the company I got the rejection from and it turns out, I wasn't actually rejected. I got a letter from the corporate office, but the local office hadn't made any decisions yet. Phew! Number 2.

I'm staying strong, sticking it out and figuring it out.

I'm changing for myself, my love, my baby girl, and my future.

I'm A Mess...

I just wrote a blog, thought I deleted it, decided to start new, deleted the header and actually realized that I didn't delete anything at all.

Basically, i haven't heard back from either job interviews, but i'm still confident.

My life is a mess right now. My mood has been so awful lately. I've taken things out on Chad that I shouldn't have.

Today, i'm depressed. Yesterday, I picked myself up and laughed a ton. This morning, and afternoon, I can't place my mood. I feel like i've let myself down. I feel like i've done some damage. To myself and my best friend.

I'm staying as strong as possible, but I just want my bed and my tears. Although, I want that feeling of the things I want to go away. I don't want to mope and lay in bed. I want to go back in time, maybe just a few weeks, but I know I can't. So, i'm facing the day....everyday.

Today, It Just Feels Too Hard...

Alone, at my desk, crying.....

Tears of joy...are all that are coming from my eyes.

As of this morning, this is all I felt:

Last night, I came home to a flat tire, a nail got it. So, on top of the lack of money, I now have to worry how to pay for this tire. I still don't have a new job. AND every interview/resume response, didn't work out. I've been sinking into the dark hole of depression(explained in my last blog). I was beginning to be positive and happy. Then, my tire really just bursted my bubble.

As of 3 o'clock mountain time....I can't stop crying.

I received a phone call on a job i've been DYING to hear from. My initial phone interview went so well. So well that, I have an interview on TUESDAY. WOOT. then, I get an email from another employer for a great opportunity that I submitted my resume for THIS MORNING. I'll be interviewing with him on MONDAY. Last but not least, my dad took my tire in this afternoon and it was under warranty and replaced for FREE.

I now just feel so grateful that i've been patient. I can feel it paying off. The only tears I can muster are of pure bliss. Knowing that I am going to succeed and god...AND the power of my mind set are pushing me in the BEST of directions.


I say this now "All of my patience, hardwork, dedication, are paying off. I now get to CHOOSE what I WANT...NOT take WHAT I NEED".

I'll be commenting on all of the new posts from my fellow bloggers tomorrow.

Wishing you all well.

Remember when I was funny, happy, sweet, and extremely charming?

Yep, believe it. I was.

Okay, in all fairness, I still am those things. Except, they've gone into hiding.

I've been stressed beyond belief lately. I don't pay any "household" bills. I pay MY bills and that's it. My bills total a measley $532 a month. Pretty low, right? I make roughly 3-4 times that a month. Well, it's taken me 6 months to get the handle on my bills. Now that I have, they'll never be high again. Anyways, so I feel like i'm not contributing enough, financially. So, from this pay period on, i'll be putting my money in the bank to pay my bills and the rest into Chad's. Becaue that way, at least I'll feel like i'm helping out.

Weights lifted off my sholders...1

Secondly, i've been stressed about my weight. See, I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend's dad has a boat. I, however, look awful in a bathing suit. Okay, maybe not completely awful, but I could look better. So, i've been watching what I eat more. Surprise to me, i've actually gone down a few pounds. 5 to be exact. I was 150 when I met Chad. 3 months after, I was 138. As of today, i'm 133. My summer "goal" is to be to 120. No problem there.

Weights lifted....2

Last, but never least, my attitude is now being left at the door. I've been so worried about NOT getting a new job, losing Chad, and trying to be perfect. When Chad said to me, "Stop being afraid of losing me, you HAVE me", I was floored. With that, came tears of sadness, joy, and confusion. Why am I being so neurotic? Why am I not being that "Happy Tiff" that people like? Where did I fall? Why did I fail?

The answer to all of the questions couldn't have come sooner. I'd like to make a reference to "the secret" now. The secret, although I've never seen it, basically states "mind set over matter". If you think bad things are going to happen, they will. Lately, only negative thoughts have come to my mind. Well, if I want to be happy...."IF" has to come out of my dictionary and be replaced with "WHEN".

So, i'm leaving you all with some of my own "WHEN" statements:

When I get a new job, i'll be so happy and we'll be financially great.

When I get into that teeny tiny bikini, i'll be satisfied.

When I look in the mirror, I'll always see how beautiful I am.

When i'm 65 sitting with Chad on our porch(in our matching rocking chairs with beautiful grandkids playing in the yard), i'll know I made my life was all it was supposed to be.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF THE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU'VE ALL GIVEN ME DURING THIS "TRYING" TIME. IT'S DUALLY NOTED AND MUCH APPRECIATED.

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

Stop being so self conscious of who you are.

You are..

Beautiful

Smart

Fun

Amazing

and

Loved

It's hard to be with you when you're so neurotic. Girls text him, yes. Have you looked at the man you love? He's gorgeous and girls will always want what you have. He's been an amazing addition to your life and you're lucky to have him.

If you don't stop this bitchiness, you may lose him. He texts with girls and there's nothing you can do. It doesn't mean he wants them. It just means that he's bored at work, talking for entertainment, and just maintaining a friendship.

He loves you. You see it when he looks at you. He whispers it to you when he wakes up to YOUR alarm at 5AM, and even though it's an hour and a half before he has to get up, it doesn't bother him one bit. He makes sure you are taken care of. He pays the bills, he lets you live in his house, and he's with you 100% of the "off work" time. Don't get angry if he talks to another girl 1% of that time.

Don't forget about the love you have for him. Ignore the other girls. They're just that, girls. You're the woman, the woman he wants to be with. Forget all of the BS and remember the man you love. Keep the love together. This is the man that you are born to be with, so be with him. Don't let whores affect that. They're nothing, and honey, you are EVERYTHING TO HIM.

All of the love in the world,
Your Hearts♥