Wilco, Bubbles, and Wine.

This hasn'tbeen the easiest week of my life. I've had a million eye opening experiences...no joke. I've cried, laughed, loved, hated, yelled, pissed, moaned, and laughed again.

I reached my breaking point yesterday.

After a long day at the office, I cried the whole way home. I quickly contained myself before my boyfriend came home. We talked once he did. He's amazing. He always knows what to say to keep me thinking straight. To keep me going. I am blessed to have him in my life.

Today, I woke up cheerful. Once I got to work, it all went down hill.

I'm quitting my job in January. I'm moving on. I've been here for 3 and a half years. Change terrifies me, but I have changed so much this year. I figure, now's the time to get it done. So, i'm doing it.

The holidays have me stressed, man. Not money. Just stressed with family and stuff. Ugh...Can't we just skip it?

Hello Again...♥

So, it's been a month. Hi.

I'm doing my best to grow.
Changing from a girl to a woman.
It takes time.
It's taken me 22 years and an amazing man.
Now, I know the direction I want to go.
I'm finding my future self.
I'm happy.
I'm in love.
I'm laughing.
Most of all, i'm learning.
Learning to free myself from my own restraints.

I'm the only one who has control over me, but for so long, i've let everyone else control me. From what jobs I do, to what color hair i'll have. Not anymore. I'm pulling out with inner "bitch" that's been in hiding.

I'm demanding more money. I'm demanding more respect. I won't settle for dishonesty. I'm speaking my mind and saying how I feel. I'm not scared, I'm secure.

I'll do it, and in time, i'll be the amazing woman I have always wished to be. Only now, I have the strength to be that woman.

I Love You...♥

The three words that terrify me most, but make me feel great when I hear them.

I've always had a problem with this. I never experienced love to it's fullest. I've loved before, but I was young when I did. I said it to only 2 boys. I loved those boys. One a jr. high boyfriend...turned close friend. And to a high school boyfriend turned best friend.

I know what love is and how significant those words are. What terrifies me is if I say it, and the same isn't returned. Although, that's never happened to me, it scared me to think it might.

The day I met "him", I knew and felt that this was my "one".

I took a risk, I jumped, I cried, I fought, and most of all, I let him have my vulnerability.

The moment he reciprocated the feeling, was the most significant, happiest moment of my life. Until the day I die, i'll remember my "true love" and the feeling that rushed through my body when he said "I Love You Too"

I Love My Daddy..

I spoke my mind this morning...

I wasn't very nice at all...

Am I supposed to be nice to a DeadBeat Father?

I think not.

I have the BEST DADDY in the world. A man that would AND has bent beyond his reach to give me everything I wanted. He's comforted me in times I couldn't comfort myself. He told me I was beautiful every 5 minutes when I was little. He came to dance recitals, baseball games, and cheer practice. All because I was his "little magilla gorilla". He was always so proud of me. Helping me acheive my goals and making some of my dreams come true.

The day he met the love of my life, I saw the "this man is the one for her" look in his eyes, that only a father has. On the day I walk down the aisle(not anytime soon), with my daddy by my side, I know he'll be full of pride for his "little magilla gorilla".

My daddy has made it a point to have strong, loving relationships with myself, and my brothers. He and My Momma have been the best parents in the good and especially in the bad times.

Which brings me to my rant and rave. Recently, I had a friend find out that she was going to have a baby....she was in labor when they told her....an hour later, a handsome little boy came into this world. I love he and his mother so dearly. His father, on the other hand, is completely DeadBeat.

It's not my friends fault. He manipulated her.

Now, i'm usually one to mind my own business, but today I didn't. After receiving a myspace friend request from him, I couldn't take it anymore. I told him exactly how I felt. He's a DeadBeatDad. I told him that. I had to. He has no clue what amazing people he's taking advantage of, but I DO.

I'm blessed to have My Daddy. Some kids aren't. I don't feel bad for him(the baby), however. Because he's got his mom and one day, she'll find the right man. I would rather him have an adopted dad than a DeadBeat one.

The Love is Unconditional...♥

One week ago...
"I'm done, I can't do this anymore." She packed up her things and said goodbye, for what she thought was going to be the last time. She bent down and gave the puppy a pet and a kiss. She was losing 2 things in the world that she never thought she would ever find. She had to turn her back and walked out on love.

That night, sleep was impossible. She woke up sweating, crying and thinking 'What have I done?'

Fast Forward a week...

She's laying on "his" couch. He says,"Are you cold?". She replies,"I'm freezing!". "Well, it looks like I need to cuddle you, that wouldn't be nice of me, to leave you cold."

With that, she falls asleep in the arms of the guy she knows she was born to be with.

Wishing for Better Days...♥

Have you ever made a decision without thinking that turned your whole world upside down? Feeling so helpless, lost, and confused?

Well, I had my first experience last night and I want to erase it!

My favorite movie quote♥

Honestly, when I first saw "The Holiday", I cried like a little girl through most of the movie! It wasn't necessarily a happy or sad cry! More like a cry because I've never had that feeling of "true love" or "true heartbreak" in my life! I'm thankful for not having the "true heartbreak" feeling! I was in love once, but that feeling faded when I lost all respect for the guy I loved! I cried for 2 minutes and NEVER DID AGAIN! I put that pain behind me and built up a wall! I am supposed to be "strong" and "okay"! So, everytime another guy left me saddened and disappointed, I realized that they taught me more about myself and that was what filled my heart! I grew to appreciate the men that left a little dent in my heart.

This is a great movie quote:

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

The "SweetlyTarted" Things I Do....

So, as it got to be 10 o'clock, Mr. Amazing was sitting on the couch thinking, 'I want some SweetTart Ropes'! Of course, in my busy schedule, I'd forgotten to pick up his BOX of them like I said I would :( Sad Story! He tells me he's going to the store to pick some up and DING...it hits me! I tell him to relax on the couch(he works harder than I do haha) and I'll pick them up!

So, I go the the local Maverik(they sell a box of 36 for $6) to pick them up! Remind you, it's 10:15PM, I haven't had my daily "relax a bath" yet, my hair is all over the place(naturally curly), the daily stress is on my face, and i'm having a VERY "blonde moment" day! Definitely not feeling my best! Anyways, I walk in and come to find out, they have 3 boxes arriving on order at that very second! So, YIPPEE....Instead of getting him one box, I was the amazing girl he's "dating" and brought him 3 :)