March 4, 2008

Wow...it's been a while, eh.

I can't explain how I feel right now.

I've made so many things so much harder than they should be. I've lost love for myself. It depresses me. I don't feel beautiful, sexy, smart, or funny anymore.

It hurts.

The fact that i've done this to myself, hurts even more.

I took something amazing, and I broke it. It is repairable, I know it.

I quit my job last Wednesday, my last day is Wednesday the 12th. I couldn't be happier about it. My new job is going to change a lot. I'll be happier and more satisfied with my job. That's been the biggest thing is that I'm not happy with my job. I bring my work issues home with me, and I shouldn't. I take my frustrations out on others. My new job is so excited about me starting, it's great. For once, going somewhere new is a great feeling.

I slept alone last night for the first time in about 4 months. It really sucked. I had nothing. When I woke up every half hour or so, my "BabyLove"(my parent's cat that I raised from a little kitty) was curled up in my arms. I'd start crying and do what I could to get more rest.

Today, I feel as though i've been on a 6 month drinking binge. My lips burn, my head is pounding, and my mouth feels sticky. My head is positive, my heart♥ is hurting. I made a mistake, one I can't take back, but I felt I did what I had to. I definitely learned a thing or two this week. They're hard lessons, but i'm learning them.