2 weeks, really?

It's been 2 weeks since my last post and there's a lot going on.

The new job is wonderful. For once, I feel like i'm doing something that I will continue to enjoy, not dread. They're wonderful with training me. Which is one thing the other job lacked. I learned it all pretty much by myself and screwed up a lot. So, that's why people didn't appreciate me. They couldn't stop looking at all of the bad things I did(because of lack of training) and see where I was able to get myself to.

Chad got us a new puppy. His name is Lenny. Pictures will come soon. He's a border collie and blue heeler mix. He's so fun to play with. He's my first puppy. Abigail is my first dog, but Lenny has been mine since he came home. So, that's the difference. I love my little Abigail. She's doing well too. Getting used to the new little brother and cuddling up to him at night.

That's all I have for right now. I hope everyone is doing well. I don't have blogger.com at work, so I can't write :( But, i'll try to get on more often.

Beginning To Breathe Again♥

So, with the good, comes the bad.

First, the good. I'm finally figuring out my communication problems, or lack thereof. I'm finally gaining my happy self back and it feels great. I've been making Chad so unhappy lately. All because, my attitude sucked and I was always on edge. Now, i'm changing it. When I first met him, I was SO happy and funny. Over the past few months, I lost that part in myself. I feel her inside and i'm pulling so hard for her to shine again, and she is starting to.

I found out that my uncle has liver cancer and his prognosis doesn't look too great. We know a little more information by the day, but it doesn't make it easier. He's such a great man, he's lived a great life. He's a catholic priest. He baptized me and performed my first communion. I always thought he'd be the one to perform my marriage ceremony, but now that's not looking feasible. He's older, and i'm focusing on all of the great things he's done and the lives he's changed. He's such a strong and courageous man.

I have 1 day and 21 minutes left at my job. Then, i'm on to starting my new one on Thursday. I'm excited, scared, nervous, and all around happy about starting a new one. People keep telling me how missed i'm going to be and I can't help but tear up when they do. This place has been my life since I was 19...that's 4 years. Now, I have a new place to call my work life. I really don't know how i've survived all of the things that have happened to me.

What I do know is that, 2008 is going to be great. It started out a little rough, but now, it's so promising and optimistic.

March 4, 2008

Wow...it's been a while, eh.

I can't explain how I feel right now.

I've made so many things so much harder than they should be. I've lost love for myself. It depresses me. I don't feel beautiful, sexy, smart, or funny anymore.

It hurts.

The fact that i've done this to myself, hurts even more.

I took something amazing, and I broke it. It is repairable, I know it.

I quit my job last Wednesday, my last day is Wednesday the 12th. I couldn't be happier about it. My new job is going to change a lot. I'll be happier and more satisfied with my job. That's been the biggest thing is that I'm not happy with my job. I bring my work issues home with me, and I shouldn't. I take my frustrations out on others. My new job is so excited about me starting, it's great. For once, going somewhere new is a great feeling.

I slept alone last night for the first time in about 4 months. It really sucked. I had nothing. When I woke up every half hour or so, my "BabyLove"(my parent's cat that I raised from a little kitty) was curled up in my arms. I'd start crying and do what I could to get more rest.

Today, I feel as though i've been on a 6 month drinking binge. My lips burn, my head is pounding, and my mouth feels sticky. My head is positive, my heart♥ is hurting. I made a mistake, one I can't take back, but I felt I did what I had to. I definitely learned a thing or two this week. They're hard lessons, but i'm learning them.