Beginning To Breathe Again♥

So, with the good, comes the bad.

First, the good. I'm finally figuring out my communication problems, or lack thereof. I'm finally gaining my happy self back and it feels great. I've been making Chad so unhappy lately. All because, my attitude sucked and I was always on edge. Now, i'm changing it. When I first met him, I was SO happy and funny. Over the past few months, I lost that part in myself. I feel her inside and i'm pulling so hard for her to shine again, and she is starting to.

I found out that my uncle has liver cancer and his prognosis doesn't look too great. We know a little more information by the day, but it doesn't make it easier. He's such a great man, he's lived a great life. He's a catholic priest. He baptized me and performed my first communion. I always thought he'd be the one to perform my marriage ceremony, but now that's not looking feasible. He's older, and i'm focusing on all of the great things he's done and the lives he's changed. He's such a strong and courageous man.

I have 1 day and 21 minutes left at my job. Then, i'm on to starting my new one on Thursday. I'm excited, scared, nervous, and all around happy about starting a new one. People keep telling me how missed i'm going to be and I can't help but tear up when they do. This place has been my life since I was 19...that's 4 years. Now, I have a new place to call my work life. I really don't know how i've survived all of the things that have happened to me.

What I do know is that, 2008 is going to be great. It started out a little rough, but now, it's so promising and optimistic.

Alone, at my desk, crying.....

Tears of joy...are all that are coming from my eyes.

As of this morning, this is all I felt:

Last night, I came home to a flat tire, a nail got it. So, on top of the lack of money, I now have to worry how to pay for this tire. I still don't have a new job. AND every interview/resume response, didn't work out. I've been sinking into the dark hole of depression(explained in my last blog). I was beginning to be positive and happy. Then, my tire really just bursted my bubble.

As of 3 o'clock mountain time....I can't stop crying.

I received a phone call on a job i've been DYING to hear from. My initial phone interview went so well. So well that, I have an interview on TUESDAY. WOOT. then, I get an email from another employer for a great opportunity that I submitted my resume for THIS MORNING. I'll be interviewing with him on MONDAY. Last but not least, my dad took my tire in this afternoon and it was under warranty and replaced for FREE.

I now just feel so grateful that i've been patient. I can feel it paying off. The only tears I can muster are of pure bliss. Knowing that I am going to succeed and god...AND the power of my mind set are pushing me in the BEST of directions.


I say this now "All of my patience, hardwork, dedication, are paying off. I now get to CHOOSE what I WANT...NOT take WHAT I NEED".

I'll be commenting on all of the new posts from my fellow bloggers tomorrow.

Wishing you all well.

Can I please speak to you for a minute?

Hi. I need to speak with you.

I've been thinkng about life a lot lately. Trying to decipher the word "friend". Now, the word friend means-"one attached to another by affection or esteem". That's better than any way I could describe the word friends. So, we'll stick with it.


Now, in all of my podering, I've realized that I have a handful of friends. Not a big handful, a small one. There are people in my life that want what's best for me. They care about me. They ask how my life is going. They ask how my boyfriend and little girl are doing. They don't pass judgement too fast when given a situation. They want to be a part of my future. They show that they want a part in my future. And I do all the same for them.

That's what you call a friend. A person who cares.

I also know my fake friends from my real friends. I don't talk to my fake friends, obviously. Nor, do I have them ANYWHERE in my life. What's the point of having someone in your life that you know talks badly of you, makes fun of you, and then shows up in your face to play nicely? I don't quite get the "fake friend" concept. If I think someone's a piece of shit or a person I don't want in my life, I let it be known. I don't know for sure why people sugar coat everything. In Utah, I see that so much. I just wonder if it's different everywhere else.

What I do know for sure is, I've met the man of my dreams. He's my best friend, the love of my life, and the man I was born to spend my life with. He's real, honest, and to the point. He never hurts my feelings or bad mouths me to his friends. His friends and family all think i'm perfect, because he portrays me that way. He's more perfect than I could ever dream of, but sometimes, I don't give him the credit he deserves. I can't wait to spend my life with my best friend ever. We're going to have the sweetest puppies, make beautiful blonde-headed babies, and live our lives happily.

Because we are choosing to live our lives the way we want.

**Updating**

So, it's been a few days and not much has changed in my life. I'll give you a quick rundown.

Chad and I are better than ever. I think we both realize how much we love each other a little more everyday. We met 8 months ago today. I've lived with him since November. So, we moved rather quickly. I pretty much lived with him before we used the "L" word.

Even though we moved faster than we would have liked, I don't regret the decision. We've had some battles and struggles with our relationship. But it took those struggles for us to grow. Now, we know what we want. We want each other and everything we have to offer. I'm not getting married tomorrow, though. So, no need to start planning anything. We're taking it day by day and growing.

Our roommate, Steve, told me that we make a really happy couple and you know...we really do. Our home is full of love and laughter, even in bad times. You must laugh through the struggles, right? Well, for us, it works. He is so supportive of my goals and ambition. He sticks with me through everything and gives me positive criticism. He is pushing for me to be the best, as I am him. Together, we'll take on the world, no doubt about it. He's the Love Of My Life.

As far as work goes, it gets hard to make it through the day sometimes. I got a $1.00 raise. A dollar is a dollar, so I can't complain. However, I do have an interview this week with a company that will pay 2 dollars more an hour. YAY! Wish me luck. It feels like it's going to be a great opportunity and it feels like "the one". So, now it's all about interviewing and being hired.



Our Little Girl, Abigail, is growing up so fast. She just turned 1 last Monday. She's starting to become more independent. She doesn't need "Mom" and "Dad" to entertain her anymore. She's finding her own entertainment. She's getting so big, so fast. She'll be a mommy next year. I'm so excited to have little baby puppies running around. Well, until they're sold anyways. I keep saying "Babe, can I have a puppy?". Haha. The answer is always no, but I know we have enough responsibility for one pup for now.

So, i'm a little discouraged with my job, but I'm still happy. My life is so full of love from Chad, Abigail, My Family, and My Friends. No matter the struggles, i'm still so so blessed.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Survey...♥

1. Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
He's probably just leaving his work shop to go out on a job.

2. What are you doing Friday night?
We don't have plans, at this point.

3. Name what you did yesterday?
Worked, drove to spanish fork, played xbox, fell asleep, went to the store and then back to bed.

4. Last person you text messaged?
Steve-O.

5. Who was the last person to call you?
I don't even know.

6. What are you doing right now?
Invoicing, and this survey.

7. What color are your eyes?
Christian said it best..."Your eyes are like navy around the outside, blue and green on the inside, and you have a speck of yellow and brown in the center.

8. Do you like anyone?
I like nice, genuine people.

9.Are you dating the last person you kissed?
Yes, have been for a while now.

10. Who is the last person to message you?
Lindsers.

11. What color is your hair?
Brown.

12. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
Yeah, I always sang

14. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Chad and my "balcony crew".

15. When was the last time you lied?
Friday.

16. Do you like fires?
I like cuddling up next to a fire

17. Did you have a nap today?
Nope, it's 9 AM.

18. What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans

19. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
I don't actually remember.

20. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
Maybe one day in my life I did

23. Where were you 1 hour ago?
Same place I am now

24. Where were you 8 hours ago?
Cuddled up in my bed.

25. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
They didn't have to tell me, I just knew.

28. What are you looking forward to?
Just seeing where my life takes me.

29. Do you want to kill someone right now?
E V I L

30. What radio station do you listen to?
Right now, K-Bull 93. I'm thinking of turning on some KT Tunstall though.

31. Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
I cropped all of them out of the pics. I looked cute and they didn't lol.

32. What are you listening to?
Don't BLink

33. What do most people call you?
Tiff.

34: Who would you pick to disappear from the planet?
No one, that's pretty evil, too...

36: Largest age difference between yourself and someone you've dated?
He was almost 10 years older than me. I was young and dumb :(

37: What time did you wake up today?
5:50AM.

38: How do you want your death?
Peacefully

39: Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?
Yeah.

41: Rock, paper, scissor...
Rock is the first choice everytime.

42: How often do you go to church?
Never.

43: Speaking of church, are you going to heaven or hell?
Heaven, no doubt.

45: If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to vent to?
Chad.

46: Do you like to cuddle?
I can never get enough.

47: What is your biggest fear?
I do my best at not fearing anything

48: Are you confident?
A little too much sometimes

49: Are you a good driver?
I think so, Chad doesn't. lol.

50: Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend?
He's at work

51: Why did your last relationship end?
Because the guy was PSYCHOTIC.

52: Three favorite candies?
Truffles, Sour Patch Kids, and Screamin' Sours.

53: What do your parents do?
They have day jobs and own their own business.

54: If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
New York, the first chance I get. Paris will be the summer home.

55: Where do you think the most attractive oppostie sex comes from?
America?

56: Pets?
Our Little Girl, Abigail.

57: What are you doing tomorrow?
Working.

58: Favorite person to get advice from?
My momma.

59: What time is it?
3:00PM.

Happy New Year♥

Happy New Year everyone. We spent the New Year with Chad's brother, Lance and all of their friends. It was definitely the best new years of my life. I got to kiss him at midnight. Beginning this year with him. I'm so blessed to have my amazing family, friends, Chad, and Abigail.

Last year began rough, but ended with sheer happiness. I live with Chad now. We're building our future together. I made my first "Casa de Schouten" purchase this past weekend. I bought a lamp for our bedroom and blinds for the computer room.

Chad's made my life so wonderful from the moment he walked in. I don't know how i'd survive without him. At first, I knew I didn't want a relationship. The more I pushed the relationship away, the more we began to grow together. I still don't know how to understand or explain what happened. Mostly because, I don't know how we got to this place. All I know is,I have the best boyfriend and puppy, Abigail, in the whole world.

I've drifted from most of my friends, but the closest ones I have know I love them very much. They've been there for me and always will be. I appreciate them all so much.

Happy New Year to you all.

The Love is Unconditional...♥

One week ago...
"I'm done, I can't do this anymore." She packed up her things and said goodbye, for what she thought was going to be the last time. She bent down and gave the puppy a pet and a kiss. She was losing 2 things in the world that she never thought she would ever find. She had to turn her back and walked out on love.

That night, sleep was impossible. She woke up sweating, crying and thinking 'What have I done?'

Fast Forward a week...

She's laying on "his" couch. He says,"Are you cold?". She replies,"I'm freezing!". "Well, it looks like I need to cuddle you, that wouldn't be nice of me, to leave you cold."

With that, she falls asleep in the arms of the guy she knows she was born to be with.